top of page

Cogito Ergo Cogito's Official Expert Super Bowl LVI Picks

  • Writer: Jake Hunter
    Jake Hunter
  • Feb 12, 2022
  • 1 min read



It's the eve of the most-watched sporting event of the year: The Super Bowl. Pitting the Los Angeles Rams against the de-facto home team in the Cincinnati Bengals (I kid, but only slightly) in a sparkling new stadium sponsored by a loan company with the worst commercial jingle/theme song currently on the airwaves, this year's edition of television's most-watched yearly production will hopefully provide an exciting new conclusion to this most recent chapter in the NFL's storied history. Our panel of contributors has you covered with a few expert picks to guide your viewing experience tomorrow.



The Picks



Will


Josh


Taylor


Jake

Company With the Best Commercial

Doritos, somehow

Geico

Doritos

E-Trade. The baby is back.

​Which Player Scores the First Touchdown?

Cooper Kupp, because Matt Stafford only throws to hime

Samaje Perine

Matt Stafford runs it in for the first tuddie. His wife throws a pretzel at a hater's face. All is right in the world

Odell Beckham Jr. The world's greatest teammate gets a big TD on the NFL's biggest stage.

Who Wins Super Bowl MVP?

Matt Stafford, because originality

Van Jefferson, probably

Aaron Donald

Hawkeye Legend Mike Daniels

What Wins MVP of Your Super Bowl Food Options?

Pickle Dip. Muy delicioso.

Chicken anything is good

Taylor's Chocolate Nutter Butter Footballs

Taylor's Ranch Mix

Which Halftime Performer Performs FIRST?

Snoop Dogg

Tony Romo

Mary J. Blige

Dr. Dre (Singing California Love)

How Many Times Is Joe Burrow Sacked?

Four. The Rams line is good, but they aren't going to kill him EVERY play

Six

At Least Six

Seven. If they would've drafted Penei Sewell, I would have said three. Nice job, Cincinnati.

Coin Toss: Heads or Tails?

Pain. (Assigned Tails Automatically)

Heads

Heads

Heads. Tails always fails. Except when it doesn't. But this time it does.

Who Wins The Game?

Rams 27, Bengals 19

The Bengals seem like the team of destiny, winning three straight games with grit and gusto, even winning in the vaunted Arrowhead Stadium against the Super Bowl-favorite Chiefs. However, they’ve been really blessed by playing some weak opponents and then having the Chiefs utterly collapse to give them the victory. The Rams are very much a paper tiger, but they get the road win in their own stadium to close out their all-in season

Bengals in OT (I know this goes against my MVP pick but I don’t care)

Bengals

Bengals. Win one for Harambe.

Which Team Lost In Their First Playoff Game This Year AT HOME to A Team Quarterbacked By Jimmy Garoppolo?

You Know Who😉

The Aaron Rodgers-led Green Bay Packers

Ummmmm the Packers maybe?

I'm sure no respectable football organization would ever be capable of such a thing. So it's gotta be the Packers.



3 Comments


Tim Hunter
Tim Hunter
Feb 13, 2022

Malcontents always win. Bengals by 30

Kelly Stafford is a paper tiger. Nobody throws pretzels away.

Like

taylor.gerard1997
Feb 13, 2022

Bonus pick: will this article be more entertaining than the game itself?

Like
Stacey Hunter
Stacey Hunter
Feb 13, 2022
Replying to

Yes… I’m gonna read this again during the game

Like

©2021 by Cogito Ergo Cogito. Proudly created with Wix.com

bottom of page