Last Minute Fantasy Football Advice for the Football Semi-Literate

Did you get roped into fielding a fantasy football team this year but have no idea where to start when it comes to selecting your players? As a third-year GM (that's general manager for the truly football semi-literate), that came in second place in my league once, I have learned a thing or two about getting a team together that can keep you at least mid-pack in your league.

In this article I'm not going to give you a list of players in order so you can just go down the line and draft the supposed best available. You can go to ESPN for that. I'm a good teacher so I'm going to show you how to critically think (some of my former instructors should take notes, honestly). I'll provide you with some tips for each position so you can draft well and feel like you actually earned it if your team gets some wins. I also haven't drafted yet for this year and don't want to give away all my good player choices so y'all can use them against me. Let's get into it.

Quarterback

Even if you know nothing about football, you've almost certainly heard of the biggest QBs in the league. They're in every other commercial on TV at the moment (Hyvee, Subway, and, ugh, State Farm are a few brands that come to mind). That's because they're usually one of, if not the most, important point-scorer on the team. Honestly, if they're a household name at the moment it's probably a safe bet to draft them. This is only untrue for Deshaun Watson, he's in the news for the wrong reasons right now.

Taylor's Tip: Get one of the top quarterbacks early. For your QB2 a good choice can be a mid-ranked quarterback on a team with a poorly-ranked defense. These QBs will have to come out and sling the ball to try to overcome big score differentials to keep their team from getting totally blown out in a game. This beautiful phenomenon is known as Garbage Time. There is no shame in winning a game because your man took advantage of Garbage Time and went off when they were down 30 in the 4th quarter.

Wide Receiver

Wide receivers can score your team a lot of points, especially in the pass-heavy team schemes. Go for someone fast here, they're more likely to break away from defenders to get open and gain yardage after the catch.

Taylor's Tip: If they graduated from Alabama, they're probably pretty elite. If they graduated from Clemson, they're at least good enough to con the entire country into thinking Trevor Lawrence deserved to be a No. 1 overall pick.

Running Back

Left: NFL running backs at age 27. Right: Either Buster from Mythbusters or Saquon Barkley.

Running backs can mean huge points for your fantasy team. As the name implies, running backs, well, run the ball. Sometimes they catch the ball now too, but for simplicity's sake, just assume they'll get most of their points running. Many RBs can bring such huge point totals because teams will hand the ball off on the goal line to score touchdowns rather than risking a turnover on a short pass into the end zone.

Taylor's Tip: Running backs in the NFL age like MILK. They're the equivalent of Mythbusters' crash test dummy, Buster. They just keep getting rammed into a wall over and over until their foot gets turned around backwards and they have to be taken into the shop for repairs. No matter how highly a RB is rated, if they've been in the league for a while, there's an 80% chance they'll be out with injuries by week 5. A good choice that will make you seem football-savvy is a young RB in his second or third year in the league. He's still fresh and less likely to be battling long-term injuries.

Tight End

If your tight end looks like this, there's a 99% chance their team is too stupid to utilize them to their full abilities.

Tight ends. One of my favorite types of players to watch, when they're utilized as they should. Tight ends are kind of a do-it-all player. They catch the ball like a wide receiver but they're big enough to run or block more like a running back. You almost certainly know of at least two tight ends in the league, Rob Gronkowski and Travis Kelce.

Taylor's Tip: Tight ends can bring big points if they get the ball sent their way. Opt for a tight end that's paired up with a top-tier QB if you want success. If you appreciate players for their actual skill then you like a good Iowa-alum at your TE spot but, alas, they only get drafted to terrible teams that have a quarterback that can't throw them a pass within ten yards, have a terrible scheme, or both.

Kicker

Kickers can have decent scoring days but aren't likely going to make or break your week. However, locking up a good K can give you the little boost you need to eek out a win on those close matchups.

Taylor's Tip: I know someone has to be the first to draft a kicker, but don't be that person. Once one goes, they'll all start to go and they're usually not too different in talent to really wreck your team. Just take Justin Tucker or whoever the next highest ranked kicker is. If you want to really get into drafting this year, look for teams that either score a lot of touchdowns or can only get into field goal range without actually scoring a touchdown. If they score a lot, you'll get lots of PATs (point after touchdown, the 1 point added with a made kick after the touchdown, obviously). If they can't capitalize on a good drive down the field, your kicker may end up scoring them three points with a regular old field goal attempt.

Defense

The team defense (DEF slot, not D slot. D slot is individual defensive players), can be a sneaky-huge points source. If your defense pops off, it could easily win you a game.

Taylor's Tip: At least in my fantasy league, MASSIVE points are awarded for high-yardage kick returns. Kick returners count as part of your defense, so look for teams with quick, powerful guys back to receive. A really good kick returner can neutralize any errors the rest of your defense may have during a week. Draft a good defensive ensemble and enjoy the sweet sweet influx of points headed your way.

Defensive Player

This is an example of how not to play defense.

Much like the team defense, these players can bring decent points. There are a ton of defensive players to choose from, which can make it tough to know who to draft. Going for guys on good overall defenses is usually a safe bet.

Taylor's Tip: See above. Get yo'self a good kick returner. They won't be listed as a kick returner because it's a role many different positions can fill. You'll have to do a little research on this one.

Bench Slots

You need at least one QB on your bench for bye weeks or injuries. I would also recommend at least one or two WRs and RBs. Do NOT have a kicker on your bench. Drop those players on their bye weeks and pick up a kicker no one else has. If you're really attached to your K, you can pick him up again next week.

Taylor's (Truthfully Jake's) Tip: My husband almost always picks up an extra good quarterback so he has four on his team and he wins like every year so he probably knows what he's doing. He does this in case one of his other QBs doesn't perform well or if he needs collateral for a good trade. Other teams in your league may have their QB get hurt and they'll be scrambling for a good replacement. Work 'em over with an expensive trade for a QB that's just been sitting on your bench, you savage.

Injury Reserve:

Taylor's Tip: Use that IR spot! Pick up a guy that's good but likely to recover from an injury in the mid-season. Drop a mediocre player once they're healthy and replace them with your cheap, newly-healthy guy.

I hope this article gives you a good jumping-off point for this year's draft! Best of luck! I hope you can beat all the die-hard football fans in your league, it feels really good if you do.